Then and Now

So what do you look like now and what would you like to look like? When I look at that profile picture of you in the top right hand is that really you? My face is slightly rounder than my profile picture but I'd say it's a pretty accurate picture and you'd recognize me if you had to pick me up from the airport!!!!

I was talking with Chrissy as she had a bad dream where she was 400lbs...I told her that my weight is no dream but reality!! I mean I'm no where near 400lbs but when I see myself in pictures I can't believe how big I really am. Chrissy thought it personal to ask me if I breastfed as she lost weight that way. I didn't see anything personal about that question. Is that a personal question? I did breastfeed and it was the best diet known to man. If they could bottle that...every gym, diet and home made equipment manufacturer would be out of business.

The weight dropped off quicker than if I'd had gastric bypass...I actually think my body forgot my pre pregnancy weight and how much weight it was supposed to shed as it took off an extra 20lbs more than it was supposed to!!! But even after the extra 20lbs I was still overweight "before" I got pregnant. What I mean to say was, I was still having problems with my clothes before I got pregnant.

And I know you're metabolism is supposed to do something wacky when you hit your thirties and yes I could go out and by more clothes but I was so used to sooooo many things. I was used to being able to eat anything and not gain and ounce (I know those were the good old days and I'm not even asking for those days back), I was used to not shopping in double digits (I'm not even asking to be a size 8 again but I don't want to get too high in the double digits), and I was used to being able to use ALL of the clothes in my closet (now that's not too much to ask for, I've finally put the size 7-8 away and don't pretend to myself that they will fit one day!).

I know that all sounds vain, unrealistic and probably mean, but there you have. I bared all and left nothing out shoot me!!!

So now I've got ALL that off my chest...here are some pictures to help you digest the problem!!

I swear I feel so much smaller than the person I see in the picture...but I know in my head I can't be as I still can't fit most of the clothes in my closet!!!

See this is me now:


Of course I am over joyed that there is gap between my legs (at least when I sit with my legs this wide! LOL) and of course I am glad that I can even sit on the floor in these jeans (you know there's always those jeans that you can only stand in but god forbid you drop a 100 dollar bill on the floor, as it might as well stay there, I don't wear those kind of jeans as they just make me feel worse but I used to wear those jeans!).

Then this is how I would love to look again but I know unless I join an anorexia class it will never happen (no offense to anyone who has suffered from anorexia it's a horrible disease and I did my fair share of puking when I was in college so I'm not making a mockery of it). Plus Big C would get jealous and drive me up the wall:



But I would totally settle for this size again though, it was comfortable, romantic and classy! I know those words are strange to describe ones size but that's how I felt...I felt like I would wear anything comfortably without the world staring at me (I mean I love the red dress picture above but that size got way too much undesired attention and I'm not big on attention, I'm one of those people on those tests that would like to slip into a room unnoticed!):



Big C tries to tell me all the time that he loves me no matter what size I am and of course I love him dearly for saying it but I want to love myself too!!!