Funfetti Month

My step daughter A has been staying with us for camp this summer and she goes back to her mom today...it's been a rough month as we're used to getting her every other weekend and she's a 9 year old girl who has the mouth and attitude of 30 year old adult, because she's been spoken to as if she's an adult since she was young. We've had lows and highs this past month and sometimes it would get so low that both C and I were both mentally exhausted...but the highs were so high that you could fly a kite!!

Like last night we baked a cake a Pilsbury Funetti Cake, just the two of us, while C held baby C...A was so excited, sooooooo excited. She read all the directions, listened as I gave her suggestions and a fun time was had by all. She rushed to take her shower while the cake was in the oven, scared that I'd take it out before she got out of the shower. She rushed back and forth watching the clock eager to take the cake out of the oven, then she watched the clock attentively again waiting for the cake to cool down so she could ice it. I love it when she's like this...when she's a child again...not some 9 going on 30 year old with her hand on hip rolling her eyes.

I didn't think I'd have such a mix of emotions when it came time for her to go home. The entire month was like a count down especially when the battles of repeating yourself a million times ended. But here I am confused as to why we can't keep her and her going home.

Then it hit me by way of my co-worker, a very mature 27 year old who started the same day that I did. She actually made me feel good about myself, which we all rarely feel.

I told her about the situation at home with my A and about her not wanting to go back home and the journey we'd ALL been on this past month. My co-worker said to me, "You may not think you are mentally or physically ready to keep your A full time but you are, you guys should try for full custody, you're an excellent step mom, because you CARE even when you don't have to".

It never even dawned on me NOT to care? It never dawned on me that I don't have to worry about her not being able to swim and getting her enrolled in swimming lessons, or that her shoes are getting too small, that her hair needs braiding, that she has clean underwear for camp the next day, or that I am too tired to bake a cake with her, or that he mom hasn't called her in 3 weeks, or that it's raining and she can't do sidewalk chalk, or that she's happy or that she's sad.

I really don't have to care but I do, and I never realized it. I don't think about her all day everyday like a biological parent might, but the times I do think about her seem to be enough to get all of us through this back and forth life we lead.