So my mother called last night to let me know what dates she planned on buying her plane tickets for and how she was staying for 5 weeks when she comes. I was so excited about the idea of her staying that long...I just wish she could stay for forever...I can’t wait for her to see her first grandchild and show me how to raise him/her the same way she raised me.
Anyway after she told me the dates she told me not to tell so and so...I asked her why shouldn't I tell so and so. She said “because I just don't feel like them knowing I am coming”. I got defensive as I always seem to do while talking to my mother about family...I asked her why would you not want to share with your family that you are coming, why does the family keep such STUPID secrets and then sit around and complain about we're not a close family? It drives me crazy how stupid and secretive my family can be at times...and for no apparent reason. I mean if I knew the reason I might be more understanding...I know I would.
I think maybe my idea of a big extended close family is just a dream as they continue to make a wedge between each other from all these secrets. I asked my mother “Don’t secrets as simple as this just make the family more bitter towards each other?” Her response was...."Oh sorry I shouldn't drag you into things like this!" Drag me into things like what is what? I wanted to ask but I knew it would just erupt into something unnecessary and my mother would just start talking in riddles as she usually does.
Like the last riddle she gave that had us arguing and her hanging up....
She told me that my aunt was sick but I shouldn't tell anyone!! So I asked, "Who's anyone?" She said, "Just wait for them to tell you?" I asked again "Who are they?"... I need to know who I'm not supposed to tell and who I'm waiting for to tell me. She got all huffing with me and told me I was being difficult and hung up!!! (See what I mean about riddles!!) Erm…I still don't know who they are, who is supposed to be telling me and whom I can't tell!!!
Sometimes I just want to lay all my family secrets out just to get them all out in the open:
Like mom do you know your sister is upset that you didn’t tell her that your joint niece is getting married this week?
Auntie V, I’m sorry that you are not feeling well and I would love to send you a card to cheer you up but I’m not supposed to know you’re sick in the first place.
Aunt R why didn’t you tell Aunt D that her niece is getting married before you told mom?
Cousin K why don’t you reply to anyones emails, phone calls or packages...and did you not tell anyone you’re getting married because of the same reasons that I didn’t want to tell anyone? Because you want to have a big proper wedding one day and invite everyone to that wedding and this one was just because it needed to be done quickly before your husband gets sent off to war or like me because you wanted to do it before the baby was born?
There...hate me if you want to...they’re all out...I doubt my family reads my blog to begin with but this is one sure fire way of finding out it!!!
Whew girl....you let it all hang out, didn't cha?
ReplyDeleteAll families have secrets. I'm learning that some secrets family members keep due to a grudge or resentment. Sounds like your mom may harbor these for whatever reason. And all secrets are justified by the individual. As you justified the secret about your marriage. Or was it really...? I know you said you wanted to have a big wedding and invite everyone. But with a baby and work, that big wedding will be a few years away--strictly because of time. And girl, your family is not big but HUGE!!!! Besides you think people wouldn't come to eat, drink and dance if they knew it was free!!! They'd be at every anniversary party afterwards too. (oh wait, that's me....JUST KIDDING...smile) But seriously do you think your family would pass up a blessing of a union if they honestly knew you were already married? I THINK NOT! (at least I would hope not) Doing it quickly, I totally understand why, but the secret...??????
What is boils down to its open to intepretation. I personally have been involved with your family for the past 6 years. I didn't see the point in you keeping your marriage a secret. Your cousin turns to me and says, "If she didn't want to tell anyone about her baby and marriage that's her business." I get the feeling most of your family shares that sentiment. I've often interpreted your family as a "see you twice a year, kiss, kiss" type of group. And it amazes me because when you guys get together, you all are great and loving.
So Mrs.C--just like you keeping your marriage a secret, your mom wants to keep her arrival a secret as well. Her reason for wanting you not yo tell so and so is as unfounded as I may think yours is about your marriage. But what it boils down to ....it is YOUR reason. Looking at it all....none of it makes sense to me. But lets asks ourselves. Do families ever?
However I do commend you in airing some of the laundry indirectly. (forgive the cliche) I am in total agreement with you regarding your current blog. And I hope this brings your family to be as close as they can.
Dear anonymous...I wish I knew who you were so I could write back to you but I don't.
ReplyDeleteI kept the baby a secret until 3 months had past as they say you shouldn't tell anyone until then.
I kept my marriage a secret because that's what Mr. C had requested and I went along with his decision. But he soon reneged on it but didn't give me enough advance notice so I could invite my family the small affair. He had wanted to do the entire event similar to his aunt and uncle...they had been married for maybe 7 years legally before they came out and got married for real!!! I liked the idea so went a long with it.
I guess I am willing to tell the reasons for my actions and it's more so that my I never know why these things are secret...(hence the word secret) so it seems frustrating and manipulative. But like you said...that's family for you!
Okay, this blog is a little too much of me coming out in you. I hope my Dear Daddy post did not provoke this in any way. Regardless, it has to feel good to release all of this. However, respect your mom and not mention her "secrets". We all have them as stupid as they may seem and remember they are really no longer a secret as soon as we tell one person.
ReplyDeletewow, what an episode. I hope you feel better now that you have vented a little.Just know that every family has little secrets, some are complex and some are not even worth the time. Get it all out girl
ReplyDeleteFamily drama can certainly wear you out. My family is just the opposite. My family talks and tells too much to each other. But my Mom and my aunts each tell me things about each other and it drives me crazy. So I can certainly sympathize with you. I always tell my Mom why don't you tell your sister how you feel, instead of telling me what's bothering you about them.
ReplyDeleteGet it all out in the open. I believe in honesty. Just let it all hang out!
My family is the same way with the stupid secrets. It is like I have to get a mission briefing from my mother whenever I am going to see any of the extended family.
ReplyDeleteIt finally got to the point where I had to tell my mother, "if you don't want other people to know then I don't want to know, and if you want me to know then assume others will, too."
I mean, it is not like I am going to blab every single little piece of info, it is just that I don't want to have to lie or remember my lies - it just makes things worse.