Worst Mother in the World

I hate that overwhelmed feeling where in an instance you're compelled to pull out a piece of paper and start making a "To Do" list in order to get your life back on track.

Life truly doesn't give you a day off, it just keeps churning and churning with not a seconds break.

Sometimes you just feel the need to check out for a while, even if everything will be there when you get back.

I still need to order a birthday cake for school, and a cake for her actual birthday party.

I'd like to say "We" need to order it, but if I just sit and wait with my hands neatly crossed behind my head waiting patiently for someone else to do it....it won't ever get mentioned let alone done.

Women are tough cookies....we take on so much responsibility....even things we simply don't even want to be responsible for.

On my drive to work this morning I had an entire RANT session in my head.

Not one word uttered into existence!!!

No way for any husband or child to even get offended as it stayed trapped and confined in my head, I just spilled out all the things that need to get done and how frustrated I am that I know I'll be the one responsible for doing it all.

When the rant was over, (or rather once I'd arrived at work), I felt mildly better and relieved that no one got hurt or mad.

And I realize now, as I type, the day will just continue like the rest of the days, and all the things spilled out during my internal rant will still need doing.

That's just life.

.......... Baby C came home with a 2 on an Interim Assessment, I was majorly heated.

I know I need to calm my nerves as I'm always upset when she comes home with anything less than a 4.

It's not like I want to be intentionally hard on her, but I never want to her too get comfortable, I always want her to strive for HER best. Not THE best...I don't want her to mentally collapse while constantly comparing herself to others.

But I never want her to take school and grades or even life for granted.

Yes the Interim Assessment was for the level above her grade but that still doesn't make it ok in my mind.

She stopped highlighting mid way through the reading passage, as if she just got lazy or gave up or figured that the essence of highlighting, that her teacher has been pressing all year, just wasn't for her and that she in her infinite wisdom would find an easier way to complete the test.

I don't like "short cuts" that have been proven to NOT work and I don't like sneaky children both of which she's completely aware of.

She started to cry when she heard the disappointment in my voice and began to throw herself on the floor as she exclaimed "Are you going to make me do it again.....no one else has to do it again, it's a hard test, it's for 4th graders i'm only in 3rd grade.........!!!!! and on and on she went"

As her body slipped closer and closer to the ground, all I heard was "Wah wah wah"

All I could think about was "At least she knows by now that YES I will scan the test and erase all the answers and YES I will make her do it again."

But she also knows that I will NOT make her do it while I hold an iron fist over her head...I will sit calmly with her as she reads the passage and highlights the entire thing...I will sit and watch and assess which areas she might be having difficulties in or determine if in fact she merely gave up?

It's one of those moments that you remember from childhood, those moments where you believed your mother was the WORST mother in the world and that there was NO WAY ON EARTH you were ever going to thank her later in life for this.

But I know as a mother that it WILL help her later in life, later next year, later with her own kids, it will teach her to try her best in everything she does, to never be satisfied with mediocre, to never assume that if everyone else is doing it she can too, to take a moment to assess her weaknesses and figure out how to make them her strengths and to one day know that I'm not the WORST mother in the world I'm just striving to give her the BEST opportunities in this thing called life!

Life....the thing that never stops churning, and never takes a seconds break!

"As a small experiment of women’s uniqueness and the special bond between a mother and child, we met up with 6 wonderful women, and asked them to let us blindfold their most precious loved ones. Their children!"