I'm sitting in my car in front of the library crying when I know I should be joyous.
I'm crying because I have this feeling of abandonment by going back to work.
Having to now get Baby C up at 6am instead of 7am not picking her up until 5pm instead of getting her off the school bus at 3pm.
Making her day longer so I can go to work instead of being there for her.
She loves riding the school bus she looked forward to it for years before she even started school.
Her home work will already be done by the time I get home. Some people would love this I'm sure but I'll feel so detached.
I'll have to rush and get her into bed by 8pm so I can wake her at 6am. All that rush just doesn't seem right.
I know they say kids are resilient and truthfully all these feelings are about me, how I feel.
Upset that I'm crying at the beginning of a beautiful new year.
I keep telling myself to cry it out, have a good cry let it all out....I'll feel better.
I have to remind myself that this is what I asked for. I asked god to guide me towards the job that was right for me and he did.
And I feel in my heart that he still has plans for me and that everything will work out. I know this much is true as he's never lead me astray. I will find a job I can do from home so I can continue to put her on and off the bus.
But for right now I just have an overwhelming sense of sadness and just want to cry even though I have faith in every tear I shed.
awwwww Im so sorry. But Baby C will be ok and You will too. Sometimes crying makes me feel MUCH better too and the fact that you already KNOW there is a plan and things will work out makes that cry ok.
ReplyDeleteYour doing hwats best for her at all times and thats ALL that matters!
Hugz.
My daughters are both adopted. They arrived with us when they were both about 10 months old. They'd spent the first few months of their lives with different foster carers.
ReplyDeleteThey are now 14 and 18. Beautiful, happy, well adjusted young ladies.
Kids cope. They understand. Baby C knows she's loved. She'll be fine. Just wait and see. :)
((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the job! Baby C will be fine. The time apart will make the time you spend together even sweeter.
ReplyDeleteI am crying with you. My pains are of understanding.
ReplyDeleteOh it's so hard to go back to work! I remember feeling this same way. God knows your hearts desires. He knows your needs even when you don't. He'll always make a way even if it's not the way you thought. :) Hugs to you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Mama. Hoping you hear direction through the tears. If it isn't possible to stay home, work. If it IS possible, don't. There's no shame in it, either way. Praying for you, my friend. :)
ReplyDeleteoh Mel, this made me want to cry for you. I'm praying for you to have peace and wisdom in it all. You sure have been one inspiring stay at home mom this year! love you!
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