Day 30 Who are you?

Who knew the last day would be the hardest.

Who am I?

Right now as I wrestle with words I feel some what of a chameleon, and I'm slowly wondering if the person I see is the same person that others see and I'm asking myself what if they don't match?

Is the core of me always the same and I merely adapt based on my surroundings? I'd say I'm shy yet last week at the Baby C's "New Parent Reception" I felt so uncomfortable sitting at a table of strangers that I actually just started blurting out and talking to the people at the table. My head said "...shut up, be quiet and it will soon be over...", but my mouth just kept moving. Even as I talked I felt so uneasy wishing the words would stop.

Most of my friends will admit that when they first met me they didn't like me, I was known to give off an air that resembled someone having a "stick up their butt". I had no idea that being quiet could give such an impression but there it is. If friends were asked now if they think I'm shy, they'd give you that surprised, quizzical look contemplating if you were indeed talking about the same person.

I don't think anyone who knows me would disagree that I dislike being the center of "physical" attention, which to me goes hand in hand with being shy.......

I add the word "physical" based on a comment about "How one can one blog and be shy at the same time?"

Blogging and shy don't seem to go hand in hand. On one hand I'm willing to bare to the "world" my daily occurrences no matter how mundane but on the other hand I won't enter a room and willingly start a conversation with "less likely" complete and utter strangers.

If I analyze myself for a minute I'd say that it's the "physical" part of attention that bothers me and I see the blog as a "secret vale" that I can lift and drop at will. Letting people in and out of my world at a moments glance.

The "secret vale" and my blog, both give way to the molding of "Social Media" and indeed social media is my friend. I wouldn't say I'm one to portray myself as a different person in the land of social media. But I would say I'm able to be more open, more relaxed, less cumbersome with the worries of that lasting "first impressions".

I mean if you'd been described, more times than not, as having a "stick up your arse" wouldn't you be a little concerned with your "first impression".

I honestly believe if we ever met up for coffee that Brown English Muffin is the very same person I portray here.....

I'd arrive early, I'd sit by the window, I'd dress reserved, a little laid back, blending in with the comings and goings, I'd wait patiently watching the passers by, I'd have on modest jewelry and a hint of lipstick, my legs would be crossed beneath my chair, and my hair would be natural and free.

Once you arrived I'd smile a big smile and I'd offer a hug. I'd sit and give a coy glance, anxiously awaiting that first conversation, I'd comment honestly but quickly on something that you're wearing that caught my eye as no doubt your attire would be more daring than mine, I'd order a grande and offer to order your coffee of choice too, I'd ask if you'd like an accompanying pastry but I wouldn't order one myself for fear of fumbling and making a mess.

I'd start of slowly making small talk about some familiarity from the years we've known each other, and as the time progressed I'd slide further down into my chair, relaxing my posture and hanging on your every word. And as the minutes and hopefully hours progressed, I'd become more and more grateful that for a moment I'd stepped out of my shell and agreed to meet. And as that uncomfortable feeling of "someone has to leave first" started to draw near, I'd ask the person behind us to snap a shot of the two of us so we could remember the day pixelated in time, the day that you got to know "Who am I?"

I'm doing 30 days of blogging challenge! this is day 30 the last day, see the rest here.